Emma’s Hyperemesis Gravidarum Diary Week 33

This is my last post covering my second pregnancy with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. The last weeks of any pregnancy can drag but the wait seems longer with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. At 38 weeks and 1 day I had an elective c section – a birth story will follow soon.

Emma’s Hyperemesis Gravidarum Diary Week 33-38

13th February
Had a wonderful moment this morning with Adam and baby interacting together. Adam is convinced that if he sings “London Bridge is falling down” right into my tummy then baby will kick back. The game went on for ages! One disadvantage is that apparently only this one song will work! 37 days and counting…

14th February – Five Stages of Seasickness
When I was pregnant with Adam my Mum was researching a trip to Antarctica. She came across the five stages of seasickness. I thought it was a very good way of describing Hyperemesis!
1) Denial. That’s when you probably don’t look fresh but you don’t feel really crappy yet. People will ask you how your feeling and you’ll say “100% mate”
2) Nausea. That’s when the little dizzy feeling starts and you don’t really feel that great but you can still function. It comes with reduced appetite and some discomfort.
3) Sick. That’s when the nausea catches up to you and you really need to fight not to puke. Your functioning is reduced but with some effort you can still set up your own gear. The sick feeling goes away under water
4) I think I will die. This stage is reached when the puking starts. Anything you eat comes back out after 10 minutes and you have your own spot along the rail. Your functioning is reduced to the point that your buddy needs to help you get your gear together. Once in the water the feeling subsides after 10 min or so. .
5) I want to die. This stage is reached when you can’t move. The mere thought of eating makes you puke. You can’t dive and even if you did the sick feeling wouldn’t go away and you’d still be puking through your reg. Your only goal in life is to get off the boat and never come back. Taken from Scubaboard.com
What stage of Hyperemesis did you get? I have definitely spent a lot of this pregnancy without stage 5.

19th February – Physio
Monday’s are rough. I have physiotherapy which is great but afterwards the nausea kicks in big time. My body has deteriorated further due to inactivity and everything hurts! My pelvis needed realigning for the third time. I am on crutches due to the pain. A combination of being bed bound for so long due to HG, the pelvic pain, being larger thanks to Gestational Diabetes means my body is struggling with most things. I also have a lot of swelling now too. Many things I could be offered such as hydrotherapy sadly would make my nausea even worse so it is a case of getting me through the next few weeks until baby is here and then re evaluating everything for a recovery plan. Last pregnancy I had zero help so hoping this time round I will be back on my feet quicker!

27th February – Sense of dying and suicidal ideation ( fourth theme in the mental health and HG research conducted by Pregnancy Sickness Support)
I’ve written and re written this post so many times. I’ve tried writing it during my darkest days when I can’t see the wood for the trees and tried when I feel empowered to survive this condition. But the words do not seem to explain how I have felt during this pregnancy. Perhaps I won’t be able to until it is over and I am no longer suffering – when each second of the day is no longer a struggle.
I didn’t have suicidal thoughts during my first pregnancy. For a brief moment whilst in hospital at 13 weeks I considered an abortion. The idea of instant relief from the condition became too strong. The only thing that stopped me was knowing I would have to go through those 13 weeks again in order to have a child.
This pregnancy I have had two suicidal “episodes”. The first was at 9 weeks. I had spent four weeks going through the repetitive cycle of nausea, vomiting, severe dehydration and malnourishment, fighting to get admitted to hospital, begging for fluids and regular medication only to be discharged two days later for the process to start again. I knew the cycle could go on my entire pregnancy. My mind simply broke. I wanted it to stop immediately. The only thing that stopped me from taking my own life and that of my much wanted baby was the fact I didn’t have the energy to stand. I didn’t have the energy to end it all. Thankfully I got admitted to hospital for fluids, opened up to my mum and was seen by another consultant who prescribed steroids. I hate to think what would have happened if I didn’t get help that day.
My second “episode” was at 28 weeks. I couldn’t stand feeling a burden to my family any more. I had just found out I had Gestational Diabetes and the thought of my safe HG foods no longer being available tipped me over the edge. The mental torture of the relentless condition caught up with me. I couldn’t imagine going through another day of the pregnancy let alone another 12 weeks. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up.
Yet again my mum saved me. She got in touch with the hospital and I was seen that same day.
I still have bad days and even dreadful days where I can’t seem to stop crying. I have two very strong protective factors – my son and my daughter. Thinking of them gets me through the bad moments. Some days it is hard to remind yourself that HG does not last forever.
If you are struggling with the mental health side (as well as the physical) I strongly recommend phoning Pregnancy Sickness Support Knowing that they understood exactly how I felt meant a lot to me. Be honest with how you are feeling. Let people know when you are struggling. It is not a reflection of you as a person or a mother. You will not be looked down upon. Health care professionals will understand you are struggling because of the HG. You are not alone.

28th February
HG and a snow day means watching your son have lots of fun outside. Waited 5 years for snow!!!!

28th February – HG a second time – selfless or selfish?
Throughout this pregnancy (and even when trying to conceive) I have been made to feel that my decision for another child is being selfish. A family member (who shall not be named) has repeatedly told me that HG couldn’t be that bad if I considered going through it again. They view that my HG is self inflicted because I didn’t have to go through with it again. I am selfish because I am making other family members suffer for my desire to have another child. .
It wasn’t until a friend visited and said she felt I was being selfless I realised there was another viewpoint. She explained I was selfless because I was putting my life on hold and suffering day on day in order to have another child.
What are your views. Is it being selfish or selfless going through HG again?

3rd March
Day 4 of being snowed in. Snow days normally would be lots of fun but not when you have HG and your diet is limited because of Gestational Diabetes. Whilst everyone has been worried about running out of milk I’ve been worrying about running out of salad! .
Set up an obstacle course for Adam to get used to the pushchair to keep him occupied. He certainly can’t wait to be a big brother! .
Thankfully this was the only week I didn’t have any medical appointments. I am well stocked up on medication and insulin. Apart from I have ran out of omeprazole. The acid reflux is back with a vengeance. Roll on Monday when I can get some more!

4th March
Someone recently asked me if I was still on medication for my Hyperemesis. They had assumed that my symptoms would have stopped by 35 weeks. How little did they know about how my day to day life is ruled by medication. This is made worse by having Gestational Diabetes requiring insulin but I thought I would run you through my day. I never have to set an alarm clock now (other than for finger pricks) because my body tells me at least half an hour before when I am due antisickness medication. .
6am – finger prick to check fasting blood sugar levels. Take 1 cyclizine tablet. Physio for pelvic pain
7am – yogurt then finger prick one hour later .
8.30am – Fragmin injection due to being house bound
9.30am – 7 units of novorapid insulin injection.
Breakfast and finger prick test to check blood sugar levels one hour later.
Dispersible aspirin due to Pre eclampsia with Adam.
10am – ondanstron and ranitidine
12pm – omeprazole
Lunch then finger prick one hour later
2pm – cyclizine
4pm – ondanstron
5pm – ranitidine
Dinner then finger prick one hour later
9.30pm – finger prick. Insulatard overnight insulin. I can only inject 30 units at a time. I am currently on 88 units over three injections. The units are increased every couple of days
10pm – cyclizine
Paracetamol for pelvic pain
Physio for pelvic pain
Wear a wrist splint overnight to help ease pins and needles .
2am – ondanstron
This list doesn’t include constipation methods, consultant appointments, telephoning the diabetic team twice a week, growth scans, midwife appointments and seeing my physiotherapist. .
Furthermore my food is heavily controlled because of GD. I am not able to eat what I want. The majority of my safe HG foods are carb based and therefore not an option. HG and GD are not a good combination and both make the pregnancy much much harder.

5th March
Yet another day spent at hospital. This time for high blood pressure and swelling. The swelling in my feet has progressively got worse but this morning my ankles were huge. Went to the doctors to be checked out and my@blood pressure was too high and had protein in my urine. So it was back to hospital for observations. Thankfully it isn’t Pre eclampsia yet but need to be monitored. Another 6 hours in a very hot hospital room! My poor feet feel like they are going to explode!

6th March
One of the questions I get asked the most is will I be induced early because of HG. The short answer is no. Here is the lengthy answer…. .
Last pregnancy everyone (even my midwife) said I would be induced early. However as it got closer and closer to my due date it was clear my consultant had no intention of inducing me because of HG. Their reasoning was that the baby was not in any distress – it was just me who was suffering. Despite being bed bound all nine months they said my body would have enough energy to give birth naturally. Even when I was diagnosed with Pre eclampsia I was told I would need another medical reason before they would induce me. I was finally admitted to hospital and induced at 39 weeks.
This pregnancy I knew I wanted a c section. I vomited blood through my last labour and apparently my eyes kept rolling back into my head. I couldn’t go through that again. The original date was at 39 weeks. Throughout this pregnancy they have stated that I would not be induced earlier because of HG. As it turns out I also have Gestational Diabetes and due to the size of baby (because of the amount of sugar being passed to her) then the c section has been moved to 38+1.
Tomorrow I have a growth scan and will hope to find out the final plan for when baby is coming. .
Have any of you been induced early because of HG alone?

7th March
Desperate times calls for desperate measures! We are trying cabbage leaves on my badly swollen feet. Another hospital trip today means my feet and ankles are even worse. No hope of an earlier c section so 15 days and counting…..

8th March
Adam had a wonderful surprise in the post today. A HUGE thank you to Tempanys Keepsakes for creating such a thoughtful and special gift for Adam. My penguin loving son is over the moon. He has already decided where to hang his “Best Big Brother” sign when we get home.
Adam has been simply amazing during this HG pregnancy. He has accepted I am ill but doesn’t blame his sister. He has shown nothing but love towards her. 14 more sleeps to go!

9th March – Every HG Hero needs a cape!
When my lovely friend Kate bought Adam a make your own superhero cape for Christmas I knew it would be perfect for my next HG pregnancy. Spewing Mummy created a wonderful book to help children understand HG and the main character wears an HG Hero cape. So my own little HG Hero has his own cape!

11th March
I vividly remember the Mothers Day before Adam was born. I remember crying lots. I felt like I would be an awful mum. I struggled my entire pregnancy – how on Earth was I meant to cope with being a Mum? Thankfully just because you suck at pregnancy does not mean you suck at being a Mum!
Like all celebrations and special occasions this is another day that is hard whilst you are suffering. However keep focused that this time next year you will be enjoying Mothers Day with your little one.
I haven’t been able to do anything this Mothers Day. The traditional Mother’s Day gifts all make me ill – flowers smell bad (can’t wait to smell flowers again without vomiting), chocolate and cake are both no go areas with Gestational Diabetes. The swelling in my legs is so bad I cant even go out of the door. Instead I’ve been looking through photos of previous Mothers Days and thinking forward to next year.
Here is to next Mothers Day!

12th March
During the dark days of HG it can feel impossible that there will be positives from this debilitating condition. However, I have found many positives aside from having an amazing baby!
One positive came from discovering Pregnancy Sickness Support. I didn’t find out about the charity until after Adam was born back in 2012.
I needed answers as to why I was so ill – was I the only one because I certainly felt the only one. I realised that PSS was having a volunteer conference the following month.
I was undecided for some time as to whether I should go or not. It involved a lot of travelling, an overnight stay and taking 7 week old baby Adam with me. When my Mum said she would come with me I decided to take the plunge.
Going to that conference was the best decision for me – it helped aid my recovery, I found answers to my questions but most of all I no longer felt alone. I felt empowered.
I have attended all PSS conferences since (apart from during this pregnancy) and nothing beats meeting another HG sufferer face to face. To be in a room with people who fully understand what you went through, who need no explanation of any symptom and to hear stories of strength and courage to go through those nine months. .
PSS will be holding their next conference on May 19th this year in Nottingham. The conference is for any HG survivor who would like to find out more about becoming a volunteer for PSS.
I am hoping to make the conference along with 8 week old baby girl. We will be able to meet inspirational women who go through hell for their children. Baby will also get to meet the people who helped her Mummy survive the past nine months. Hope to see you there!

14th March – Join me for a virtual baby shower!
As I am too ill to have a traditional baby shower I am going to have a virtual one and would love you to join me.
Guess baby HGreality’s birth weight to help raise money for Pregnancy Sickness Support charity.
Go to the link in my bio to make a donation of that amount of money. For example if you predict she will be 7lb 6oz the donate £7.06

If you would like to donate more money then write your predicted weight in the comment section when you make your donation. You have until 8am on Thursday 22nd March to make your predictions. All money raised will go direct to Pregnancy Sickness Support.

15th March
When this photo was taken at KidZania in October 2016 we were about to start trying for baby number 2. Trying to conceive when you know you will suffer from HG again is very very hard. You never know when the nightmare is going to start. You start putting your life on hold “just incase” and life becomes a waiting game. The combination of disappointment, fear and relief that each period brought meant another month of trying.
A fellow HG survivor once told me that waiting to get on the HG train was much harder than being on it. Nearing the end of my second HG pregnancy I fully agree. At least when you are on the HG train you have an end destination to aim for even if it feels a million miles away. Life becomes about surviving each day. However whilst you are trying to conceive your life is in limbo – stuck between living but not fully living.
I am just relieved my HG journey is coming to an end and I never have to do it again.
If I have helped you in any way during my HG journey please consider taking part in my virtual baby shower. Details can be found in the link in my bio.

17th March
Better get those birth weight predictions in …. baby has decided to come early!!!! I’m in early labour so they are bringing my c section forward to either tonight or tomorrow morning. Started vomiting blood so knew things were on the move. Click on the link in my bio to predict her weight – all money donated will go directly to Pregnancy Sickness Support My brain won’t let me believe she is coming until I am in theatre as I wouldn’t be able to cope. Hopefully these are the last few hours of suffering xxxxx

17th March
Sadly no baby yet. I signed all the paperwork and then they discovered I had injected Fragmin this morning – the injection I have detested taking every day since week 13. I had to wait 12 hours until after the injection. Throughout this time I was nil by mouth –
not great when you have gestational diabetes. 10pm came and the new doctor said although I am contracting my cervix hasnt altered and there is no need for the c section. To say I am devastated would be an understatement. Due to my severe swelling and protein in my urine I need to remain in hospital and be monitored. So I am now in my worse case scenario which I have done everything to avoid. It looks like I will be in hospital until Thursday when it is safe enough to deliver baby. I had 5 days in hospital before Adam was born and it forms part of my PTSD issues.
Having said that hospital are following my mental health care plan, I have a side room to myself and they are doing everything possible to ease things for me.
My mental health has taken a nose dive having to back on a cannula. I also find it hard when one doctor says one thing and then the next doctor changes it. I have had this issue throughout both pregnancies – mostly surrounding whether I could have a bag of fluid or not. I tried not to get my hopes up today but the worse case scenario was waiting until morning for the c section. Now the worse case is waiting until Thursday. It is going to be a long few days.

18th March
This was me this morning. Heartbroken, swollen beyond belief with water retention and sleep deprived. I just couldn’t stop crying. I felt like I was loosing my mind and didn’t know how to stop.
To be so close to meeting our baby and for my 9 months of hell to be over. If I hadn’t have taken that Fragmin injection baby would be here by now.
I know it is the best decision to wait until I am 38 weeks for baby. There is less chance of complications to her breathing and time spent in NICU. The idea though of having to wait those 4 nights at hospital broke me.
Mentally I hadn’t prepared to return to that ward. The ward where I had to fight for treatment so many times. The ward where I felt suicidal at week 9 and the ward where I thought I was dying when I sepsis.
So I was discharged this morning and I am now home to wait the four nights. It has been an emotional rollercoaster weekend and I now feel numb. I’ve slept all afternoon and feel better after a bath.
Thank you for all your messages of support. Although my phone died most of the hospital visit (must remember phone charger!) it helped so much knowing I had people who understood how I felt. Also thank you for the donations. That money will go directly to helping PSS improve conditions for HG sufferers. It isn’t too late to make your birth weight predictions!

19th March
Today has been a much better day. Being at home waiting for the boomed c section is much easier than being in hospital. I don’t feel like I am loosing my mind today!
On another positive nite I am all booked to attend the Pregnancy Sickness Support Volunteer conference in May. Very excited to be seeing my HG friends and meeting new HG survivors.
Adam, Nana and I went together for my first ever conference when Adam was 7 weeks old. This time Nana and I will be taking 8 week old baby girl!
Hands up if you are going or if you are thinking about going. Feel free to ask any questions about being a volunteer to help other HG sufferers.

20th March
Despite everything that I have been through in the past nine months I still have two favourites parts of the day that have got me through.
The first is early morning cuddles with Adam. My sick bed is downstairs and he loves nothing more than snuggling up to me in it. He ticks the previous day off on the Spewing Mummy HG pregnancy calendar and he talks about his baby sister. We talk about the Adventures we will have once I am not poorly anymore and he waits until baby wakes up and then giggles as she kicks him. He also reminds me to check my blood sugar levels and gets me a yogurt for my breakfast. I treasure our morning time together.
My other favourite time of the day is my evening bath. With severe swelling and restless legs the bath is the only place I feel comfortable. Although it is not a pretty sight me getting in and out! Baby girl loves being in the water. I spend ages pouring water over my huge bump and watching her move around.
I am so thankful my HG hell is nearly over. I seriously couldn’t do another week with these additional symptoms.