This is my fourth diary entry documenting my Hyperemesis Gravidarum pregnancy. You can read previous entries for weeks 0-8, 9-12 and 13-18. Between weeks 19 to 25 I suffered from steroid withdrawal symptoms, discovered I had pelvic pain which required crutches and survived the Christmas season.
Emma’s Hyperemesis Gravidarum Diary Week 19 – 25
You can tell the steroid withdrawal isn’t going well. I am unable to do anything in the evening, nose mask is back on (to combat the HG smell of my kitchen), fringe tied back (haven’t been to the hair dresser since June) and trying to sleep the symptoms off.
19 weeks and already I am losing the ability to see my feet! This time round my bump is HUGE. I already feel like I am 30+ weeks. My bump is also very high up. Last time I lost several stone in the early weeks of HG. This time my weight loss wasn’t so rapid thanks to early medication but the steroids meant rapid weight gain and swelling. It is certainly making my HG symptoms worse. I can feel her moving around which makes the nausea heightened too. Anyone else have a huge bump second time round?
The black cloud has returned. This weekend I have really struggled. I just want it all to end. I am fed up of feeling this way.
This weekend I have alternated between sleeping and crying. I have barely stayed awake more than an hour.
Thankfully the vomiting hasn’t returned but I can barely move my body I am so exhausted. I have no energy and even walking to the toilet is a real struggle. 100 days down but 142 left still to go.
Please help to cheer me up with some girl name suggestions. It has to be something that doesn’t clash with Adam (so sadly no Eve) or with our surname Edwards. Trying to focus on positive things but really struggling.
If it takes a village to raise a child it takes a city to bring an HG baby into the world.
We got to see our baby today and it made me reflect just how many people are involved in her life already.
Baby and I simply wouldn’t be here without my Mum. She has given up her week for nine months to care for me and Adam. She does the school run, cooks all our meals, does the housework, keeps up with all my medications and does everything that I can’t do. Also my step dad for putting up with me everyday!
My husband has become my carer and a single Dad. He puts Adam to bed, gets up with him during the night and entertains him during the weekend.
That is not all. These people also have a big impact on our baby girls life:
* a great NHS team. Not only a midwife and my consultant but a mental health team who recognise how debilitating and sole destroying HG is.
* my brother and sister in law who send baby presents to remind me of the end goal
* my school Mum friends who are in constant communication to cheer me up, supply me with DVDs and look after Adam. They look after him after school on a Tuesday, feed him and take him out for the day.
* my HG friends at Pregnancy Sickness Support who send me messages, gifts and encouragement.
* my friends who look after Adam, take him to hair cut appointments, send me care packages, visit me in hospital and take Adam on days out.
This baby, Adam and I are very lucky to have so many wonderful people in our lives. 128 days left before life can begin again.
One thing I dreaded about HG was what would happen if Adam became ill. Adam is a mummy’s boy and will usually only be comforted by me. He was a poorly baby and toddler but thankfully since being at school he hasn’t had a day off in a year.
Unfortunately he has had two sickness bugs since I’ve been ill. Thankfully not projectile vomiting or a nasty bug but he has still needed to be off school on two separate occasions.
I was surprised how my mothers instincts kicked in when he was ill. I managed to get up stairs, sit with him whilst he was on the toilet and cuddle him in bed. Believe me I paid the price nausea wise when I came downstairs but I was glad to give Adam some temporarily relief. He just turned to me in bed and said “I’ve missed you Mum-Mum”. So this is what it looks like at my mums house when you have a poorly daughter with HG and a poorly grandson. You know when Adam is ill if it sits down let alone if he lays down and falls asleep! Let’s hope that is it for Adams poorly days.
This song is very appropriate at the moment. I feel like I am just treading water. Trying to tread water between the intense nausea and the black cloud that HG creates in my mind. Evenings are always worse. .
To try and stop the endless tears because of the never ending symptoms of HG I tried listening to music. I needed something to drown out the black cloud.
Newton Faulkner is my favourite singer and my go to music. Thankfully the music worked tonight.
“Hold the line, keep it all inside
Been here before can’t afford to lose your mind
Can’t hold on much longer till my head goes under
Hold the line, keep it all inside
Keep up the fight, now that there’s an end in sight”
Newton should have been playing in Norwich this week but it has been rescheduled. We have been to all his gigs that have been local to us. Even when Adam was just a few days old, I was in a wheelchair and still had a catheter bag I managed to go to a gig. Working towards that gig helped me stay sane during my last HG pregnancy. However I knew HG had won this time round if the gig was this week. I am simply too ill to even attempt the gig even with a wheelchair and support. The nausea is just to intense. .
The rescheduled gig is when I am 33 weeks pregnant – just as the third trimester HG relapse can happen. It looks like I am destined not to see Newton this tour.
Sorry for the radio silence. I’ve struggled to put into words how I feel. The monotony of HG is hard to portray to those who haven’t suffered. My life is just on repeat. It is more existing rather than living. .
Many of my symptoms are the same. I still feel incredibly sick come 4pm, I am still constipated, still bed/sofa bound, still reliant on a wheelchair, I still sleep a lot, still can’t look after Adam or myself and am still reliant on my mum to care for me.
However I feel I have turned an ever so slight corner. This week I’ve been able to sit up rather than lay down, I have managed a few short trips to the shops and even managed a cafe trip. I always end up paying the price nausea wise that evening. The nausea likes to remind me I still have HG and not to become complacent.
The only countdown calendar we are focused on is our Spewing Mummy one. Adam gets more excited about ticking the day off than opening his advent calendar. His excitement gets me through.
Mini victory to me today and a finger up to HG. I managed to go to our local garden centre, pick a Christmas tree and watched Adam as he visited Father Christmas. All without a wheelchair!
This is a far cry from what we would have usually done. Last year we went on a couple of mini breaks to visit Father Christmas as well as going to Tenerife for Christmas.
However this year I am thankful I managed this short trip. Sadly I couldn’t join the boys for the
christingle service as I needed to sleep and recover.
Next I need energy to decorate the tree. I remember when I was pregnant with Adam it took me all week doing a few decorations at a time. The sense of achievement was immense though when I completed it. Hoping to do the same this time round.
This is Christmas as an HG sufferer at 22 weeks!
This simple glass of sparkling water could be used as a form of torture for HG sufferers.
In the first trimester it would have taken me all week to drink that amount of liquid. It is torture when every mouthful comes back up again.
In the second and third trimester this drink becomes a torture item during the night. More so in my first pregnancy as thankfully my medication has my symptoms under control this time round. However during the night I would crave drinking an entire bottle of drink. The urge would be so strong. However I knew that if I took more than a sip at a time then it would come straight back up again. The torture between wanting to drink and knowing the reality of the consequence was intense.
Even 22 weeks into a pregnancy where my vomiting is under control I still struggle with fluids. I can only drink cold fizzy drinks – and it has to be through a straw. I alternate between sparkling water and lemonade mixed with orange juice. I still can not eat and drink at the same time and drinking too much always leaves me clutching the sick bowl. How knew a simple drink could be so complicated!
I get to share a room with Adam tonight! We are staying at Nana’s house for the night. My husband has his school performance which doesn’t finish until late. It is little things such as evening events that can crop up and make HG harder. You can plan and prepare for HG but still miss little things that require help.
I am looking forward to sleeping in a double bed instead of my little prison. As I don’t have to wait for my husband to go to bed until I can sleep I think I am going to go to bed now. Just hope my pregnancy snoring doesn’t wake up Adam! No doubt he will be in my bed very early so he can cuddle his sister.
Another two fingers up at HG today – I managed to make it to Adams nativity performance!
At 23 weeks pregnant you would think going to see your sons nativity would be a simple thing. Not with HG. It requires preparation, lots of medication, a wheelchair, a wonderful Mum and a very supportive school to make it happen.
It was certainly worthwhile. The kids put on an amazing performance and Adam sang his heart out! He was so happy to see me (and his sister) there on the front row.
It was extremely strange being around so many people. I haven’t seen many people since the beginning of August let alone be in a hall full of children, parents and staff. I felt a bit shell shocked!
I also got to visit Adams classroom for the first time. He proudly showed me around his room. He is not phased at all by my wheelchair and is so matter of fact about me being ill. He knows it won’t be forever – something I need to keep reminding myself!
I have found the perfect Christmas present for an HG sufferer! It popped up on my FB news feed – personalised Vaseline!
Regular readers will know my on going battle with severe constipation caused by my medication. Think constipation, then think pregnancy constipation then multiple by millions. Ondanstron constipation is like cement.
Unfortunately manual extraction is usually the only way I can save myself from the tortuous pain. After a lot of experimenting I have found Vaseline lip balm has helped the most. Who would have thought!
I feel I have officially reached the second trimester reprieve with HG.
The nausea has eased (but not gone away) and I can spend more of my time sitting up rather than needing to lay down.
Don’t get me wrong – I still can’t do anything and I am only able to slight things because of my high dosage of medication. However, I am struggling to find ways that I can pass the time. The days seem like they are dragging and this has a knock on effect on my mental health. I am concerned not having my usual routine over the Christmas holidays will take its toll.
I still have a very short attention span and hardly any energy. What can I do to make the time go quicker?
I am down to double figures! 99 days of HG left to do. I would love to say that the time will fly by but experience with HG tells me it won’t.
I had my consultant appointment today along with a scan. Baby is doing very well and currently weighs 1lb 12oz. Saw the mental health nurse too and they are keeping a close eye on me.
I feel my care has been completely different this time round. They appear to understand the isolating and debilitating effect constant nausea has on me.
Unfortunately other pregnancy symptoms are causing problems now too. I am in a lot of pelvis pain and am in agony whenever I move. I start physio on Friday. I am also not sleeping because of a restless body and a sensation that feels like I have things crawling under my skin. Waiting to hear back on blood test results. .
HG is cruel. It can give you a little reprieve during the second trimester just in time for other pregnancy symptoms to start. Then come the third trimester I will be back to the sick bowl again. 99 days to go!
Christmas holidays have started which means Adam and my husband are home for two weeks. Our usual routine is out of the window.
Yesterday and today I looked after Adam by myself for the first time since August 4th. Adam accepts I am unable to move so decided on activities that I could help with when sitting down. He opted for Lego. Not a simple model but one designed for a teenager (he is 5). Thankfully he is brilliant at Lego so only needed supervising. Then he wanted to make Christmas hand puppets from a pack I bought several years ago.
The rest of the time we watched films or played music so Adam could dance around the living room.
The only problems arose when Adam needed something from the kitchen. I am still unable to step foot into the room without vomiting. Unfortunately my husband got delayed today so Nana has to rescue us and bring us lunch! .
Back to some normality tomorrow with a hospital appointment – my second home!
Gutted to be spending Christmas Eve needing to use my sick bowl again. HG sucks big time at Christmas. .
I haven’t really vomited since week 9 when I started taking the steroids. I have felt nauseous most of the time but I have been able to leave the sick bowl alone for some time. However today the vomiting hit me like a ton of bricks.
This afternoon I had to resort to laying down on the sofa again because I felt so rough. I wasn’t able to put the Christmas presents under the tree or have a Christmas Eve takeaway. I decided in an early night but as soon as I moved I vomited. I now can’t stop crying.
I have not done anything towards Christmas ensuring I rested all the time. Apart from a hospital appointment I haven’t left the house all week. I was resting in preparation for tomorrow. Sadly HG had other plans. So it looks like my sick bowl will be coming to my mums house for Christmas Day – along with my new pair of crutches but shall save that story for another day.
If you are suffering HG over Christmas my heart goes out to you. This time next year we will be tucking our babies in bed ready to celebrated their first Christmas. I am clutching on to that image as hard as I am clutching my sick bowl. Lets forget Christmas 2017 and focus on an HG free Christmas 2018 xxxx
If you can’t decorate your crutches, sick bowl and medications bag at Christmas when can you! Survived Christmas 2017 with HG.
You can read the rest of my Hyperemsis Gravidarum diary by clicking on the photos below: